Shoshin

Open to the possibilities of a rainy day.

There seem to be times in my life when I get completely buried in the day to day. Then, as I as I shake free of the fog and look up, the same message appears everywhere. I'm not a spiritual person, I just think there are times when a part of you knows you need to learn something, and in case you try to ignore this need, you see the message wherever you look. I know I've posted on this synchronicity at least once.

The message of the moment is shoshin, of having a "beginner's mind", to feel a sense of openness, eagerness and lack of pre-conceptions.

I felt the first glimmer of needing to change when I was drawn to this ABC story about Gabriel Giffords' recovery from a trumatic brain injury. Even though I pretty much never watch these types of "News Specials", I was mesmerized by her efforts and triumphs, and most especially by how, though she acknowledged the pain of others' deaths, she had no bitterness about her own torturous journey.

Then, this morning, I was trying to think of a quick post, just to keep up with my daily post comitment. I was feeling tapped out. I opened twitter and followed the link to this post, and the idea of shoshin was dropped in my lap. I stared at the message of rejecting the concept of failure and instead of allowing yourself to be in a place where you are able to learn. Then I scanned my fellow Bmore bloggers and in Epiphany in Baltimore's post the Zen Koan, "when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear" hit me. I need to be ready. Finally, this post from the Special Olymics, about about how we can learn, from both Giffords and special olympians, to focus on the need to get better, sealed it. I see a path opening before me. The challenges that are coming up (foremost in my mind is college for HSS, a high school transition for msk, a changing job definition and the continuing frustration of dealing with a brilliant kid who has no connection to the reality of mundane obligations like homework...oops - still too frustrated to talk about that) require an open mind.

This school year has felt like trudging through slowly thickening mud. There was the brief flicker of excitement with picking up school supplies, but that feeling vanished almost before it started. I had thought how relaxing it would be to have not a single child transitioning to a new school; instead it just made me feel jaded. I've been counting down years until my elder two kids were done with City Schools. I've been thinking that if msk transitions to an autism specific school that would mean that in a lot of ways he would be done as well. I've been focusing on a feeling of having served my time. Reviewing this, I know I am ready for a change, like a breath of fresh air.

So, starting today, I work to free my mind of cynicism. I open my eyes to the fact that I need to learn in order to better serve those who count on me, whether at home, in schools, or at work. I wash away resentments and start with a clean slate.