Time to make some changes

I’ve been finding the time that I spend writing on the web a lot more frustrating than it is satisfying lately. At the same time what I’ve written, and the reactions to it, seems to be taking up more and more of my energy. I’m not talking about what I post on this blog – clearly I haven’t been spending much time here. I’m talking about Ed forums where I’ve been commenting on other people’s posts, primarily Inside Ed.

This feeling reminded me of a friend’s conversation with his dad when he reached the age where mind altering substances were becoming a significant part of his life. His dad explained that drinking and the like were a normal phase of life, but that you need to remember that you’re doing these things because you want to and you enjoy the sensation (if not the next day’s hangover). The important thing, he said, was that if you no longer enjoyed the experience, if you felt compelled to partake, that you stand back and change your ways.

Obsessively reading, checking and mulling over Ed issues no longer brings me joy. I’m resolved to make a change. I will not be commenting any more. I’m going to try to limit checking on blogs to a reasonable level. I haven’t posted too much about general Ed issues on this blog, but I’m going to switch the tone to be more personal and less political.

This is a more than little hard for me. I feel like the 13 or so years I’ve been a parent in City Schools, and the wide varieties of things I’ve seen at different schools and as the parent of a special needs child, have given me a pretty strong base to talk about schools and the changes that are going on. That might be true in some settings, but on the boards, judging from the reactions of other commenters, I don’t think that my opinion has swayed a single reader. I’m not complaining, I’m just stating what seems like a plain fact to me.

I’m not saying I won’t be posting here anymore; in fact I plan to post more often. This is going to be a year of transition in our household as my eldest starts applying to colleges and making that big choice. I think I should be spending my on-line times searching out information to help her make the best choices possible. I plan on sharing what I find here, which I think that should be the source of some pretty good blog topics.

In addition, msk is getting close to high school and I think, realistically, that there will be some big issues about placements and life planning going on as that gets closer. It's a hard topic - planning for a transistion to adulthood and independant (or as independant as possible) living. That should be some pretty gripping posts - it's hard just to through down these few preview sentances.

So there you have it - changing and growing... fun times indeed!

End of an era

I don't think I've ever written about popular culture before, but this is different. Harry Potter started at a scholastic school book sale for us about ten years ago, so it starts with a school tie-in.

I plunked down the cash for the first two books of the series (all there were at the time) and brought them home. I knew my 7/8 year old could read the books, but they were too much for the 6 year old. Besides, it had been a while since I had read books aloud to them. At this point they were enjoying reading series of smaller books voraciously and on their own.

So, that night, I started by reading a chapter (or two) to them. Then it became something we had to do, every night. I didn't realize the committment I was making at that point. It turned out to be seven books. And each one got longer and darker. But the tradition was set.

As time went on they were more than capable of reading the books themselves, and they did read them on their own, but the first read was always me, out loud.

Not much later we started another tradition. We watch all the movies at the Senator. This Friday at 9:45 we have tickets for the last movie.

Across the years the little girls have turned to teens almost ready for college. My hair has turned grey and I now wear bi-focals to read.

It's hard not to get a little choked up at the end of such long term commitments. I did when I finished reading the last book. I probably will at the end of the last movie.

Maybe not all bad...

It doesn't take a lot of surfing around the web to find hatred of "high stakes testing" - look at some of the comments here or poke around here or here. I admit to being fairly ambivalent over the time period when my "neuro-typical" kids were taking MSAs (or whatever they were called over the years). It seemed like a big chunk of time pulled away from standard learning and I really hated the simple minded writing strategies they were learning. On the other hand my kids love a test and it was kind of nice to have evidence of "advanced" standing when a not-too-talented teacher tried to say poor performance was based on a kid's intelligence as opposed to the constant bullying that was going on.... but that's another story for a different post. It was also nice to have an objective data point when looking at schools and I enjoyed working the graphs and analysis tools they had on the state website.

The other day I got msk's first MSA (of the alt variety) report. It puts all this discussion in a totally different light. When you have a significantly disabled kid, education is always a source of contention. I've read more than a few articles decrying the "waste" of money that is required to educate "those" kids. Before IDEA you were pretty well screwed. Now, there are legal obligations, but if you don't fight, fight, fight for your kid... well, bad things have been known to happen.

But we fight, and negotiate, and politic, and work real hard, and pick the right school... and good things happen. We live in a society were verbal skills are seen to equal intelligence. Msk doesn't do well in that light, having very limited verbal abilities. Now though, I can point to his MSA math score as being on the border between "proficient" and "advanced". Admittedly his reading was in the basic level, but I'd argue that might be related to test-taking motivation/anxiety and having a not too thrilling year in English.

This from a kid that spent two years in a school that was all about behavior and totally not about academics. From a kid that spent two years after that doing mod-MSAs because of the level of his disability. He's worked so hard for these results and he makes me very proud.

Retour d'un voyage en toute sécurité *

So, day before yesterday, we returned home. I'm a worrier, but I think all my worries were unfounded:

• msk might have stressed a little, but he made it through the week unscathed
• even though my husband and I have had little time together as a couple we do have things to talk about and share a common sense of what is enjoyable to do on an adult vacation
• French engineers (at least the ones I met) are more interested in getting things to work than making me prove my "Subject Matter Expert" standing
• I can enjoy myself thoroughly without worrying about what's happening at home with just a few skype contacts

I'm sure there more posts I can make from this experience, but right now I'll just post this to let you know we're all OK.

* My French is horrendous, but babblefish tells me this is how you say "return from a safe journey"

Really???

So have you ever read something on the web that just riles you up so you slam out a rebuttal comment (or two). But even after you say whatever, this is bs and I'm not thinking about it anymore, you just keep on fuming and posting and fuming?

That's what happened to me yesterday over here. After posting 4 times and really not getting my point across as far as I can tell, I'm resolved not to say anything more. But I'm still fuming, so I think I'll post on my own blog.

Here's the quote that was posted, in case you didn't follow the link above. It's from Diane Ravitch's Book "The Death and Life of the Great American School System: How Testing and Choice Are Undermining Education":

“Do we need neighborhood public schools? I believe we do. The neighborhood school is a place where parents meet to share concerns about their children and the place where they learn the practice of democracy. They create a sense of community among strangers. As we lose neighborhood schools, we lose the one local institution where people congregate and mobilize to solve local problems, where individuals learn to speak up and debate and engage in democratic give-and-take with their neighbors. For more than a century, they have been an essential element of our democratic institutions. We abandon them at our peril.

Business leaders like the idea of turning the schools into a marketplace where the consumer is king. But the problem with the marketplace is that it dissolves communities and replaces them with consumers. Going to school is not the same as going shopping. Parents should not be burdened with locating a suitable school for their child. They should be able to take their child to the neighborhood public school as a matter of course and expect that it has well-educated teachers and a sound educational program.”

Look, I'm all for stronger neighborhoods and better schools. I think a sense of community with everyone is totally critical to raising kids. And by everyone I mean the kids that are "at risk" with sucky parents as well as the super-smart nerds with overly driven parents. That's one of the issues I have with homeschooling. We might not be in our neighborhood school, but economic and social diversity is real in every City School my kids have gone to. Way more than if we had moved to Timonium to solve our school problems with our zoned school.

But really, what planet is this woman from? She's supposed to be an expert in urban schools and she's thinking about democracy in broken neighborhoods, to say nothing of broken schools? There's no democracy in a place where people are afraid to talk to the police even after they see a kid abused by their parents or shot by a rival gang.

There are some neighborhoods in Baltimore where her prattle rings true (I'm thinking Roland Park and Mt. Washington), but those schools are in fine shape so choice and zoning aren't the issue there. Really, the vast majority of kids in Baltimore need an escape from the same-old-same-old of the established social order of their streets, which just carries on in failing neighborhood schools. Democracy? This stratifying social order is more like bondage as far as I can tell.

But really, there's just one sentence from this quote that I want to scream at, and yell at ,and banish from existence - "Parents should not be burdened with locating a suitable school for their child." Really? Parents shouldn't be burdened by the responsibility their kids force on them? Really? That's the whole big deal about being a parent. All of the sudden you need to become responsible. Do some parents fail? Yes; almost all to some degree and it's tragic, but you are responsible. The state can support you, the schools can help you, your community can pitch in, but kids are a burden (and a joy) that you have to handle. Look into schools, figure out who their friends are, make rules that they hate, go to PTA and teacher conferences. It's what makes you a parent.

I'm shaking my head in disgust. This is the expert that fights to save our schools. Really? Baltimore is making progress and these platitudes make people who have no experience in the reality of City Schools think they know the real answer. Really? Please.

Special Hockey International Tournament

So I promised a post about this Spring's hockey tournament when we got back. Clearly, I'm running a little late, but at least this post came before summer.

Msk and I went to Boston for the Special Hockey tournament. Two years ago we went to Buffalo for a tournament, but this year was very different.

Two years ago I was tying to will msk to not skate into the net. I was hoping he could pull his attention away from the count-down timer. He skated fine, but comprehension of the point of the game was very low. Not that I'm complaining - I was thrilled, if a little nervous, that he was participating.

This year, along with a growth spurt, msk seems to finally want to get praise. This might seem like a strange concept to some, but compliments in the past have never been a motivator for him. You wouldn't believe how hard this makes it to encourage (or discourage) behaviors. Up to now it's all been about what msk wanted to do by himself, for himself. But this year he scored two goals and after getting praised he repeated to himself "I'm a good hockey player." It's the kind of moment that chokes me up even months later.

Then, add in the freeing feeling of being with people who were happy to cut msk some slack if he melted down or couldn't stand still waiting in line. No angry glares when he threw his hockey bag down the stairs. You get used to the stares to the point that you forget what it feels like to just relax. And everybody cheers for everybody, because even the simplest task is someone's major milestone. So many smiles.

He grows more mature and I grow more accepting. It was really a quite wonderful five days.

Far, far away

So, it's been 17 years since hubby and I have spent a night together without one or more of our kids under the same roof. Yes, that's the age of the oldest. In a week we'll be breaking that streak. I've got a business trip abroad and instead of turning them down we're working on a plan to leave the kids in Bmore and use the passports for 8 days.

Can I say I am nervous beyond belief? Msk has never spent a night away from at least one parent. The autism waiver is making this possible. We have respite hours and the behavioralist that works with msk is going to help us out. But still... I worry.

But opportunities like this come around... well really, hardly ever. And I want my job to think of me as a "team player" - single income families need to stay employed. And hubby needs a total break.

So I try to get these boxes to cooperate and hubby looks into sights, restaurants and music venues, and both of us work on saying merci.

And I try not to worry.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Mother's Day 2011

So what is it to be a mother this year? Is it dealing with a boy who has feet the same size as mine and who's suddenly changing voice sounds like a stranger?


Is it having a kid who is within spitting distance of college, but still seems like that toddler that was constantly getting into stuff?


Is it having a mother who is 88 years old, who can still make me feel like a teen when I'm almost 50 years old?



Is it the chaos of a night out at the BSO and scouts and D&D and hockey and laundry and groceries and family and an SAT and house cleaning and crazy neighbors and so much you can't keep track?

Guess so... at least that's what it is for me :-)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Goal!!!

I need to take the time to write a post about the Special Hockey International Tournament that msk and I went to, but for now I just want to share a picture.

When is Spring Break not a break?

Somehow, this spring break has been totally not a break this year. On the agenda:

• Projects for both high school students


• Frantic AP cramming, at least for the Junior


• Visiting colleges with the Junior, both local and one about 3 hours away, that with traffic took 8 hours back and forth and then 5 hours touring...very long day


• Too much work and not enough vacation time for me to take more than a day or two off
  

So, tomorrow I go back to work and along with not going any place (besides the previously mentioned college) I haven't done any spring cleaning and I haven't figured out the summer plans for either my special needs kid or my soon to be high school senior.

Blah!