I've been wondering about blogging and why I blog lately. It's generally been gnawing at me this spring, but this post from a City Schools teacher-blogger (who doesn't blog about schools) brought it to a head. Really, it's bigger than blogging or not, it's about the whole basis of this blog and choices about my kids and their future in the system that gives this blog its title.
I started looking at my sidebar text and saw this declaration - "We are in public schools because we believe that justice starts with a decent free education for all and if I want decent public education being personally involved is the first step." I just don't know anymore. I truly believe that a democracy depends on all of its citizens having a decent education. Not just those with the money for a private school. Not just those who live in the right neighborhood. Not just those who can learn the same way as their peer. Not just those whose tests scores are in a narrow band around the system's average. Unfortunately, knowing that something is critical doesn't make it happen. Is that "first step" a path to somewhere or just tilting at windmills?
I am questioning decisions made years ago and decisions made more recently. I am questioning the wisdom of pouring time, energy, support, love and money into a system that I have little respect for at the moment.
I am tired of broken promises, big and small. I am tired of vindictive and soul-crushing bureaucracies. I am tired of asking overwhelmed people to do things that I know they should, but really are not capable of doing.
When I started this blog I was sure we would all survive the system and that quitting or retreat was not an option. Now, I'm not so sure.
I know exactly what you mean. If people keep leaving the system, there is little motivation on the part of the school system to make changes. But it's really hard to gamble your child's future on idealism. Ultimately you have to do what is best for your child.
ReplyDeleteSorry you're feeling this way! Sounds like everything is stressful right now. I hope it eases a little soon!
ReplyDeleteI will miss your posts and hope you find a way to keep writing.I work in the system and am very dedicated but find myself frustrated and angry all the time at systemic issues that a whole career has not allowed me to impact. Still would love you to visit me at my school one day. Do what is best for you! Good luck.
ReplyDeleteSo, how did the year end?
ReplyDeleteNo guilt trip, just an observation. It is hard to follow blogs, become engaged and interested and then have the blog go away. A break-up of sorts.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about missing blogs. Inside Ed was a total addiction for me. There are still posts, but hardly any decent comments and certainly no discussions anymore. As far as I know there are no City Schools teachers posting even close to regularly anymore. I used to have about 5 I would check daily. There are autism parents who I read regularly, but a lot of the ones I used to read are gone. It feels like those friends you knew intimately in high school that you lose touch with. Very sad.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Maybe I'll start posting again, but I have a hard time with the title (and soul) of this blog. I'm not sure I or my kids are surviving the system. I feel scarred and bitter at the moment. So many teachers I know have given up on this system, but I feel more trapped. I also feel so little trust that I worry about saying anything meaningful. Words have a way of getting turned against you.
I keep checking back.Hope you do some sort of writing about education. Maybe take the focus away from your children and write more generally? Know that your posts are missed.
ReplyDelete